Today I got a surprise in the mail, which was splendid because I love surprises and also because it allowed me to use the word splendid on my blog so that I can continue to rock my British vocabulary. I am fully pursuing the British angle now, because A) Prince William looked totally hot in this week’s issue of People magazine and B) Andy Roddick has been replaced on my hot tennis player list by some European named Xavier. That’s right. Xavier. That is such a way cooler name than Andy.
Anyhow, to day I got a book in the mail. I am apparently in a book club. I never signed up for any book club. Turns out a friend of a friend reads my blog or something about something and thought I’d like this book. Which led to me being put on the book club list. Which led to me thinking that once again, my blog is the catalyst for fame and fortune to befall me at any moment. I do like the book . I especially liked this part: 
Just so the author knows, I already rocked the q-tip discussion here . Oh, I did. I totally went there. Obviously, she must read my blog and it has become the catalyst to her fame and fortune. I think I enjoy the book, although to be honest the first chapter totally sucked. This leads to a discussion of yet another fact about me, one that is known to my friends but not to all my internet stalkers. Because I know you are thinking to yourself, "self, didn’t she just get the book today? And she’s already on Q?" Yes I am. I am a speed reader. Yes, I know that is totally cool. I will finish the book tonight, and would have finished already if I hadn’t paused for a dinner date with Ross and Rachel.
I learned to read when I was three. By the time I was six I was reading John Grisham novels. I randomoly memorize entire passages from books after only reading them once. You may think this makes me ubersmart and that is why I will pause to remind you that I cannot add. Nor can I subtract, multiply, or divide. My grandmother was a speed reader and apparently it’s genetic. It’s really very annoying when people find out ou can speed read, because then after they hand you something and say "hey read this" and you hand it back to them in about point five seconds you are forced to explain that no you didn’t skim it, yes you speed read, yes you can tell them what it said, and no you don’t want to do it again so they can watch your eyes.
Watch her eyes when she reads, it’s so weird. This is what my mother said to Jeff when I first took him to meet her. She dived right into the juicy info about me, such as speed reading and my very first visit with the girly doctor. You people think I’m kidding. I’m so not. This is why I’m grateful that he still dates me. And also he’s really hot. And also he lets me call him at 130 in the am when I am sad. And he has class in 7 hours. This post isn’t about him, he’s just cool enough to get a plug.
I hate speed reading in class because A) I read faster than I could talk so reading aloud made me sound ridiculous and I don’t mean ridiculously good looking either. And B) I had a few teachers that were terrible to me about the whole speed-reading thing because class bored me. I’d finish the assigned reading in about three or five or nine minutes. Normally, the first few days of class a teacher would be all "Kayla why aren’t you reading?" "Um, I finished already" "You can’t have fininished already, tell me what the story was about." And then I’d tell her and everyone else would be pissy because they hadn’t finished the story. Then they’d all stare at me like a was a freak and say things like "watch her eyes when she reads, it’s so weird."
The first time a teacher really embarrased me, I just looked at her and started reciting what I had just read in it’s entirity. That was in the second grade. Then she called in my parents for a parent teacher conference and they had me take some sort of test that said I was reading beyond a college level. So they decided to skip me a grade, until they handed me the math test and discovered that numbers were the anti-christ. So that teacher sat me in corner all day with 1st grade math worksheets and The Grapes of Wrath while she taught the other kids stuff about clocks and cursive. And that is the true story of why I never learned to tell time.
Now my friends just hand me things and say "read that and tell me what it says" which often I do and which is why I can tell you how to work your cell phone or go about petitioning to graduate because when you can speed read no one hands you intersting stuff to read. They hand you things like instruction manuals because they are all jealous of your mad speed reading skills. This is also why my blog entries are long. It only takes me a minute to read them. I forget other people don’t read fast. I will admit that it is useful for things such as English class, reading through emails, and getting my daily dose of Coversations about Famous People .
Thanks for the book Michelle. Totally made my day 
I also thought the first chapter was boring, but I forgave it, since the rest of the book was great.
I never knew you were a speed reader, but it does explain how you’re able to keep up with my obsessive blogging and still have a life.
The speed reading thing is way cool! Not weird at all. And, I have to agree that Prince William looked good in this week’s People. Okay, I’m old enough to be his mother, but still… he looked fine. A girl can always appreciate art, can’t she?
i am a sloooooooow reader. that is why i’m a skimmer. i’ve read a how to be speed reader book, but it didn’t help. in hs when we were given time to read in class, i would read the first page, and then just watch the others and when they would flip the page, i would, too. then i would go home and spend the evening skimming to catch up. so sad. but it has made me an expert at reader multiple books at a time. so, so sad.
i was just thinking. i think i read multiple books b/c of college and the fact that i’m such a slow reader. i can blame the fact that i haven’t finished a book on having so many books going at once. still so sad. so jealous of your mad reading skills.
sorry, i can’t seem to finish one thought in one comment. and who doesn’t love having a plethora of comments, so it’s ok, right? reading multiple books is my “hey, she’s smart b/c she reads so many books” cover for being a slow reader. and b/c there are so many books i want to read, but i’m so slow, so i start them and put them in a pile while my list grows longer of books i want to read but am too slow to read. ok, i think my thoughts are complete now.
I like your writing style! I think I’ll add your blog to my favorites
I used to read – a LOT. I was like you, reading big time at age three. Somewhere between doing University courses and having a son, I stopped reading novels. Now it’s only scrap mags!
And yeah, I TOTALLY agree with you on the name Xavier
I understand about reading fast. When I fly I need at least two books with me, people always look at me a bit funny as I flip through the pages.
you are most welcome. i sit the line on the first chapter… thought it was an interesting way to start and then eventually i kept wondering when she would get to the alphabet.
I KNEW you would love “Q”. i believe my first read of you was the passage on Q-Tips, in which i told Cherany that you were hilarious. it was after that, that i had purchased “Amy” and laughed out loud, thought of you when i read “Q”.
so glad you enjoyed it and totally jealous of your disgusting speed-reading.
WOWZA! On my first visit to your blog – I am amazed at your verbosity and thrilled by your writing.. I’ll be back. What started as a courtesy visit (since you commented on my blog today) could easily become a blobsession – I’m warning you now. (Yes, I did just make up that word – I thought maybe you’d have to slow down to read it since it’s not a real word – it’s my special combination of blogging and obsession. Aren’t I clever?)
you are too funny with your napoleon dynamite siggy and paris hilton references!
PS – your layouts are wonderful!
Thanks for visiting my blog! Don’t mind me, I’ll be pulling up a chair and feeling right at home here at yours! I love that you “inherited” this gift from your grandmother! What a gift you have – reading AND writing! thanks for sharing!
Sophia
I also think that speed reading is uber-cool!
Jess
Hey Girl,
So there I was at the happiest place on earth (aka Disneyland) and I thought about you. Today was awesome cause I got to read SIX of your blog entries at once instead of checking daily for new ones (and of course being disappointed if there wasn’t a new one).
Loving seeing all your mad scrapping skills in action. You rock!
*guessing that took you all of about .052 seconds to read*
Hey! Thanks for commenting on my blog. LOVE yours, and you have some awesome layouts.
what the crap? my name is freakin awesome! much better than xavier. isn’t that the guy who makes cabbage patch kids? i’m mad at you…okay not anymore. i’m over it.
*huff* I am sooo jealous of your skills. I bet you can’t figure out why I’m still reading the book I borrowed from you a month & a half ago. And you better believe I’m going to watch your eyes next time I see you read something. AND I’m going to ask you to read something out loud. I would absolutely take speed reading over telling time, adding, subtracting, etc b/c calculators are cheap, small, & easy to take with you. Also, props for using the word “dived” correctly; I recently applauded my mother in-law for using it as well. Words like “whelps” instead of “welt” or “dove” instead of “dived” really bother me for some reason. LOL! Love you LOTS!
I’m kinda fond of Paul David Necessary II, but to each their own.