Scarlette Says: A) I’m not a baby, I’m a big girl. Do you not even see me going down these steps on my own? And B) I do not approve of this miniscule smear of pumpkin muffin on my hands and I can not believe my mother is listening to that therapist lady and refusing to give me a napkin. In retaliation, I’m going to pretend I don’t know how to say any words when the speech therapist comes so that they all think my mother is completely neurotic when she tells them I can say “more muffins, yum!.”
A couple of times a week, weather permitting, we have a breakfast picnic. This is one of those things that makes you look like a fun, hip mom but if I were to be completely honest with you I would admit that though Scarlette likes it, my motivation has less to do with “fun” and more to do with “easy cleanup.”
Because if your baby still hasn’t grasped the concept of getting oatmeal from the bowl to her mouth and instead flings it everywhere with gleeful abandon causing it to turn into little droplets of baby food cement when it hardens, trust me when I tell you that being able to just spray everything down with a hose post breakfast massacre is fan flippin’ tastic.
And by “everything” yes I do totally mean both the picnic area AND my baby. She’s only dressed in these pictures because I don’t put diaper photos online but typically she eats breakfast in a half nekkid state of undress.
On the back porch.
And then I spray her with the garden hose.
I don’t even want to know what my neighbors think of me.
(Seriously, she loves being sprayed with the hose.)
And if my neighbors happen to remark upon this scene I shall quote to them the scripture that says “Judge not lest ye be judged when you one day have a child that freaks the heckfire out at the sight of a bathtub EVEN THOUGH she totally used to love taking baths and absolutely nothing occurred that would make her afraid of the bathtub except that she enjoys being a total enigma andplusalso on the rare occasion that she WILL get in the bathtub she immediately proceeds to do her business in there because she has mistaken the word BATHTUB with the word TOILET and so there’s that, thus sayeth the Lord.”
What do you mean your bible doesn’t say that? It’s totally somewhere in the book of Markzekial.
About Kayla Aimee
Oh, the adventures in feeding preemies! Been there, done that KA! Don’t worry, it does get better (and easier
). Never in a million years would I have thought that the one of the twins who was the most problematic at 9-10 months weighing only 9 odd pounds would be the one who at 2 1/2 now eats EVERYTHING!
Scarlette will get there! And don’t worry, all of our therapists thought I was crazy too! I think they are used to it from all the preemie moms in the universe, because after all, we probably all are a bit crazy!
Thank you for the giggle this morning. And, OHMYGOSH LITTLE BABY SCARLETTE PIGTAILS!
How fun! I used to have breakfast picnics with my mom, too, though she never used the hose on me. My dad did that after a chewing gum incident where I tried to best my older friend by wrapping it around my head. PB was also involved. It’s in the Bible, too.
I cannot stop laughing!! I {heart} your stories!!! =)
OMGravy…you are HILARIOUS!!!
*btw, your baby is TOTALLY a GENIUS…and SUPER-D-DUPER CUTE!!!
What a love bundle!
awesome post! love the hose. The bathtub thing cracks me up because I have yet to meet a mother that hasnt experience the same thing!! The pig tails…. her hair will grow – anna was almost 3 but…. we finally have long pretty “real” pig tail hair
My FIL has never, ever done diapers. Ever. One time when my SIL was a little girl, he was alone with her and she soiled her diaper. He took her in the yard and hosed her off. And left her nekky until MIL got home. To this day, they don’t let him live it down.
Love your stories! Matthew likes to do his business in the bath, too.
I love Miss Scarlette’s “Spouts” (That’s what my Grandaughter calls hers LOL) When our kids were little we had a “Caveman” supper….spread a plastic tablecloth on the floor and proceeded to eat caveman style, even me and my husband, no silverware to be seen.We served spagetti and chocolate pudding. We were trying to teach our little one that it was better to eat with a fork and spoon…..not sure of the reasoning behind that, but he is 40 now and does use a fork LOL Can’t believe how Scarlette has changed, growing up so much and such a cutie!!!
E loves being sprayed with the hose too. The other day she followed her Gigi around the back yard demanding more “baby all wet!”
HAHAHAHA . . . oh girl, i love you. And dude, Jake used to LOVE when my mom would douse him with the hose! That was his favorite part of helping her water the flowers!!! Just don’t put it on like super hard fireman hose pressure first, and you’ll be ok