KA and baby doll circa 1985: “Um, y’all? I don’t want a little sister, bribing me with this baby boy doll dressed up in girl clothes is totally not working.” Scarlette and baby doll circa 2012: “Y’all! This baby doll has a weenis!”
Every now and then I like to refresh your memory of my creepy anatomically correct baby doll. You know, just in case the horrifying image has slowly faded from your mind. Then I’m like “BAM! HERE’S MY BABY DOLL WITH A WEENIS!*” (If you missed this story, you’re going to want to read this. But not while you’re drinking anything.)
Scarlette has gotten really attached to this doll, who I’ve taken to calling “Baby Bing.” Because technically I named the baby doll “Chandler” when I was five years old, but then I got a step-ish brother named Chandler and so it’s a bit too confusing teaching Scarlette to separate “Real Chandler” and “Weenis Baby Doll Chandler.”
I toyed with the idea of re-naming the baby doll “Cha-nan-de-ler Bong” because I think I am hilarious but then I figured that with my luck, Scarlette would only pick up the latter half of that one and then I’d be that mom explaining to her Sunday School teachers why she refers to her baby dolls as “bongs” and so I scratched that real quick like.
Fun fact: My mother’s name is Monica and my dad’s middle name is Ross. We’re like one big happy FRIENDS family, except for that whole part about how my parents are divorced.
Anyhow, Scarlette has been carrying around Baby Bing, patting him and smothering him with kisses. She’ll bring him to me so that I’ll give him kisses or rock him. She sleeps with him, even though she won’t sleep with any of her soft, cuddly, COMFORTABLE stuffed animals. Or her pillow. And she’s a big fan of hopping off of the Big Girl Potty and putting him on it in her place. She has not yet learned about how potty time works for boys, apparently.
So I thought for sure she was ready for attempt number two at pretend play. Turns out, she’s still not a fan of sharing a bottle with him. In fact, it’s been months since she’s even had a bottle and when I gave her that one for the baby she was all “MY BOTTLE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?! PRAISE THE LORD THAT MY MOTHER IS GETTING ALL EMOTIONAL ABOUT PARTING WITH MY BABY THINGS AND SECRETLY STASHED YOU IN THE CABINET! IT’S A SATURNALIA MIRACLE!”
Scarlette watches too much Big Bang Theory, obviously.
*We don’t actually call it a “Weenis” but I don’t want Creepy McCreepersons coming to my blog via weird google searches.
** Okay fine, I totally do call it a Weenis in my head. I blame this on my deep and abiding love for the movie “Stick It” which is a GYMNASTICS movie. This post is doing nothing for my reputation.
*** Scarlette totally dressed herself in these pictures. I got her pants on and then she flipped the heckfire out when she spotted that too-big dress in the stuff my sister brought over this week and insisted on wearing it.
**** This is my last asterisk, I promise.